So I've been watching the Wonder Years on Netflix's instant streaming these days, usually when I am still up after feeding the girls and am glued to my milking machine. To get an idea of how much I pump, let's just say I noticed that tonight, er, this morning (5:45 am) I started episode 100. So that's 100 times of hearing the intro song "What would you do, if I sang outta tune"...which, let's be honest, I was getting rather tired of hearing. But then, this morning it dawned on me; "a little help from my friends" is what's been getting me/us through these past few months!
To explain, the past 2 days have been difficult. The girls have been extra fussy during the day and I'm doing my typical song and dance of setting unrealistic expectations for myself; feeling like I'm not doing enough, blah blah blah...things like, "I should be breastfeeding the girls", "Am I bonding equally with both Etta and Elsie?" and "Am I doing enough for their development?"...you know, along with trying to carry the weight of the world. Top that with having the desire to bake a pumpkin and pecan pie for thanksgiving, trying to keep up with my social life and oh yeah, work on shedding that baby or "babies" belly and then realize I have 0, zilch, nada energy for any of that, I start beating myself up. Which then spirals out of control because then I feel guilty for even feeling feeling stressed because of how blessed we are and how much worse things could be. Like I called Pete at work yesterday when I was at the end of my rope, in tears, frustrated that I couldn't stop the girls from crying after feeding and changing them, and he tells me later that he is working on a guy's furnace who is home on bed rest and recently diagnosed with cancer. Wow, talk about perspective. But I am realistic in that I realize having 2 babies is a major challenge...it just makes me feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed when I take a minute to step in someone else's shoes.
Anyway, bottom line is that "with a little help from my friends" is what has gotten us through! Friends meaning family and friends, of course. I don't know what I would do without my mom and mother in law spending nights over here. I am so grateful we live so close to both our families and that our parents are so devoted to helping us. Faith has gotten me through. Counting my blessings has gotten me through. A little coffee every morning and a glass of wine a few times a week has gotten me through. Talking to my friends has gotten me through. Learning to say or even text someone "I'm too tired to talk right now, but thanks and know how much I appreciate it" has gotten me through.
I can be my own worst enemy and set so many ridiculous expectations on myself. Motherhood has already taught me to focus on what's important and not sweat the small stuff. It's hard for me to accept that, but getting a tad easier day by day. And, of course, with a little help from my friends.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Blessed.
As I sit here in the dark at 3:12 AM pumping, listening to my two little angels wrapped up after their feeding grunting away and smiling in their sleep, I thought I should finally write an update on how things are going! As sick as I am of pumping, sitting here and listening to them is just music to my ears and I can't help but to count my blessings and end up feels just overwhelmingly, well...BLESSED!
Life has been a whirlwind and on Thursday I can't believe they are going to be 3 months old! They change daily...the past few weeks they've been totally off their "2, 6, 10" feeding schedule. Dr. says this is normal and are probably going through a growth spurt (aren't they always until they become adults?!) Anyway, sure, things have been exhausting and challenging...but overall, when I look back, its funny how I seem to forget the sleep deprivation and frustrating nights with crying girls and just feel so thrilled. The girls' have given me a renewed faith. Honestly, I was so out of touch with my faith basically since I've graduated high school...so it is so refreshing to now have daily reminders of the miracles that God is capable of providing. I can't even believe how incredible Etta and Elsie are. The fact that we all are here is truly a miracle. When I'm feeling discouraged by all the icky news on tv or exhausted , I try to focus on the miracle of babies and things always start to look up :-)
About a week ago, a nurse was out giving the girls their synegis shots (a shot typically given to preemies to prevent RSV as we enter the winter months). Etta weighed 10 lbs 2 oz and Elsie weighed 11 lbs. They are getting so darn big!!!! Their wrists are starting to get chub around them and their thighs...oh boy! Tons of folds and chub on their thighs :-) I can't kiss their chunky little cheeks enough. I LOVE giving them baths...and they both love getting them! And as similar looking as they are, its crazy how different they are! Etta's expression appears more curious and whereas Elsie's appears more calm and content. Etta typically always wakes up first and usually winds up with lots of little grunts that sound like the cowardly lion's "grrrrrruff, grrrrrufff" and Elsie tends to wake up second and goes right in to a full fledged, hearty cry. Sometimes they can both go from 0 to 60 so quick and cry so hard its pathetic. They sure do both have strong sets of lungs! They are starting to wake each other up when they cry now and when they are alert and hanging out on their activity mat together they are starting to really be aware of each other...its so cute!
Things I've really been trying to do with the girls several times a week if not daily:
-Walks...I take them on walks around the neighborhood; its been fun listening to the crunchy leaves under the stroller and feel the sun we've been so lucky to have out on our faces. Usually the girls will sleep, but they seem tickled whenever we go for a stroll.
-Reading to them...we read lots of different books but they seem to enjoy chapter books the most. We snuggle up in the rocker in their bedroom and get lost in the words. I've read them "Charlotte's Web" and now we are about halfway through "Little House on the Prairie"
-"Wearing them"...and by that I mean hanging out in the baby bjorn, sling or together in the Moby wrap (which is a big piece of fabric I can strap around myself and still get both the girls nestled in together)
-Document...I try and take tons of pictures (and forgive me for not posting them as often as I'd like) and write in my "mom's one line a day" journal. Its a great way to quick write down what happened each day, which is already so neat to go back and read.
I'd love to write more but I must put my cuties back in their cribs and try and sleep myself...however, I'm going to try and blog a bit more frequently as its really a good outlet for me. :-)
Hope you all are doing well. Love you!
-Beck
Life has been a whirlwind and on Thursday I can't believe they are going to be 3 months old! They change daily...the past few weeks they've been totally off their "2, 6, 10" feeding schedule. Dr. says this is normal and are probably going through a growth spurt (aren't they always until they become adults?!) Anyway, sure, things have been exhausting and challenging...but overall, when I look back, its funny how I seem to forget the sleep deprivation and frustrating nights with crying girls and just feel so thrilled. The girls' have given me a renewed faith. Honestly, I was so out of touch with my faith basically since I've graduated high school...so it is so refreshing to now have daily reminders of the miracles that God is capable of providing. I can't even believe how incredible Etta and Elsie are. The fact that we all are here is truly a miracle. When I'm feeling discouraged by all the icky news on tv or exhausted , I try to focus on the miracle of babies and things always start to look up :-)
About a week ago, a nurse was out giving the girls their synegis shots (a shot typically given to preemies to prevent RSV as we enter the winter months). Etta weighed 10 lbs 2 oz and Elsie weighed 11 lbs. They are getting so darn big!!!! Their wrists are starting to get chub around them and their thighs...oh boy! Tons of folds and chub on their thighs :-) I can't kiss their chunky little cheeks enough. I LOVE giving them baths...and they both love getting them! And as similar looking as they are, its crazy how different they are! Etta's expression appears more curious and whereas Elsie's appears more calm and content. Etta typically always wakes up first and usually winds up with lots of little grunts that sound like the cowardly lion's "grrrrrruff, grrrrrufff" and Elsie tends to wake up second and goes right in to a full fledged, hearty cry. Sometimes they can both go from 0 to 60 so quick and cry so hard its pathetic. They sure do both have strong sets of lungs! They are starting to wake each other up when they cry now and when they are alert and hanging out on their activity mat together they are starting to really be aware of each other...its so cute!
Things I've really been trying to do with the girls several times a week if not daily:
-Walks...I take them on walks around the neighborhood; its been fun listening to the crunchy leaves under the stroller and feel the sun we've been so lucky to have out on our faces. Usually the girls will sleep, but they seem tickled whenever we go for a stroll.
-Reading to them...we read lots of different books but they seem to enjoy chapter books the most. We snuggle up in the rocker in their bedroom and get lost in the words. I've read them "Charlotte's Web" and now we are about halfway through "Little House on the Prairie"
-"Wearing them"...and by that I mean hanging out in the baby bjorn, sling or together in the Moby wrap (which is a big piece of fabric I can strap around myself and still get both the girls nestled in together)
-Document...I try and take tons of pictures (and forgive me for not posting them as often as I'd like) and write in my "mom's one line a day" journal. Its a great way to quick write down what happened each day, which is already so neat to go back and read.
I'd love to write more but I must put my cuties back in their cribs and try and sleep myself...however, I'm going to try and blog a bit more frequently as its really a good outlet for me. :-)
Hope you all are doing well. Love you!
-Beck
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