With a little help from my friends

So I've been watching the Wonder Years on Netflix's instant streaming these days, usually when I am still up after feeding the girls and am glued to my milking machine.  To get an idea of how much I pump, let's just say I noticed that tonight, er, this morning (5:45 am) I started episode 100.  So that's 100 times of hearing the intro song "What would you do, if I sang outta tune"...which, let's be honest, I was getting rather tired of hearing.  But then, this morning it dawned on me; "a little help from my friends" is what's been getting me/us through these past few months!

To explain, the past 2 days have been difficult.  The girls have been extra fussy during the day and I'm doing my typical song and dance of setting unrealistic expectations for myself; feeling like I'm not doing enough, blah blah blah...things like, "I should be breastfeeding the girls", "Am I bonding equally with both Etta and Elsie?" and "Am I doing enough for their development?"...you know, along with trying to carry the weight of the world.  Top that with having the desire to bake a pumpkin and pecan pie for thanksgiving, trying to keep up with my social life and oh yeah, work on shedding that baby or "babies" belly and then realize I have 0, zilch, nada energy for any of that, I start beating myself up.  Which then spirals out of control because then I feel guilty for even feeling feeling stressed because of how blessed we are and how much worse things could be.  Like I called Pete at work yesterday when I was at the end of my rope, in tears, frustrated that I couldn't stop the girls from crying after feeding and changing them, and he tells me later that he is working on a guy's furnace who is home on bed rest and recently diagnosed with cancer.  Wow, talk about perspective.  But I am realistic in that I realize having 2 babies is a major challenge...it just makes me feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed when I take a minute to step in someone else's shoes.

Anyway, bottom line is that "with a little help from my friends" is what has gotten us through!  Friends meaning family and friends, of course.  I don't know what I would do without my mom and mother in law spending nights over here.  I am so grateful we live so close to both our families and that our parents are so devoted to helping us.  Faith has gotten me through.  Counting my blessings has gotten me through.  A little coffee every morning and a glass of wine a few times a week has gotten me through.  Talking to my friends has gotten me through.  Learning to say or even text someone "I'm too tired to talk right now, but thanks and know how much I appreciate it" has gotten me through.

I can be my own worst enemy and set so many ridiculous expectations on myself.  Motherhood has already taught me to focus on what's important and not sweat the small stuff.  It's hard for me to accept that, but getting a tad easier day by day.  And, of course, with a little help from my friends.